


we're on each other's team

by historiologies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, coming of age au, everyone is supportive and wonderful, fuckton of stupid analogies, set in seoul and based on the underground lgbtq scene there, side soonwoo that's kind of very important to the plot so it'll sit alongside the chanshua, soonyoung is a drag queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historiologies/pseuds/historiologies
Summary: When Lee Chan was younger, he was afraid of dragons. With the help of his friends, he grows up a little braver.For the SVT Jukebox Challenge - #1 Lordeventeen. Song choice: Lorde's "Team".





	we're on each other's team

**Author's Note:**

> This is all based on Lorde's song ["Team"](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lorde/team.html).
> 
> I was going to write something more dystopian with a very wretched aristocratic aesthetic, but the more I read the lyrics, the more I likened it to an underground drag queen scene that brought strangers together in a kind of court that wasn't really for public consumption but was raucous, valid and wonderful just the same. I wanted to spend more time developing this world but real life kicked my ass and so I had to rush the last few parts. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed writing it and building it up and hopefully one day I'll be able to revisit it and tell/re-tell everyone's story.
> 
> I'm also SUPER happy to have had the chance to finally write Chanshua, so thank you very much to the SVT Jukebox mods for the opportunity!!! I'm so sorry I really ran it to the last minute of the deadline. Bloop. I'll be better next time ;;

When Chan was five years old, he was afraid of dragons.

Never mind his father and mother telling him, insistent and sure, that dragons didn’t exist and even if they did, that they would protect him. One day, he had turned the television on and a random program was showing a scary dragon, sharp eyes and teeth and absolutely terrifying, and the image had imprinted on young Chan, scaring him into a nightmarish, sleepless few weeks.

Chan’s mother had sighed, exhausted, every time she heard Chan’s crying underneath the blankets, but she would always get up and gather him in her arms, soothing and reassuring. His father would join her, and they would sway around the room, gently moving to a melody his mother would hum under her breath, until his sobs subsided into little shuddering tremors that eventually gave way to sleep.

Slowly, these memories erased the terrible images in his head. Eventually, Chan outgrew his fear, and he could soon look at an oversized reptile without devolving into tears. He was very proud of himself for it. “My brave little Channie,” his mother told him over and over, and his chest would grow warm every time.

Later on, his mother would tease him gently every time they were watching television and a dragon would show up on screen, even when it wasn’t scary. He’d make a face at her, and she’d laugh, merrily.

“I’m not scared anymore,” he’d told her, and she’d kissed him, warmly.

“I know you aren’t.”

He pulled his fingers into little fists, balled at his sides. “I’m a big boy now.”

“Of course you are,” she murmured stroking his hair.

“I wasn’t brave then, but I’m brave now. I’ll always be brave.”

She looked at him, and smiled.

\---

Chan meets Jisoo for the first time when he’s sixteen.

Jisoo is four years older than him at most, and three years, two months and twelve days at least. He’s someone his neighbor Seungcheol goes around with and someone who his cousin Soonyoung likes having around. To Chan, however, he’s just someone, and he doesn’t think of him much. He spent most of his weekdays hanging around Hansol and Seungkwan, and most of his weekends trying to hang out with the people who come over when Soonyoung does. It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.

That all changes on the day Seungcheol tells his friends he’s finally asked Eunbi out. Chan’s ears perk up--he’s not exactly sure what he’s done to merit being told this other than being there playing video games with Wonwoo when Seungcheol comes into his living room with Jisoo and Jeonghan to tell Soonyoung, but he still beams widely at Seungcheol as Jeonghan and Wonwoo give him the heaviest of pats on the back.

His smile dims when he sees Jisoo hanging back, breathing stuttering and slow. He tilts his head, watching Jisoo when he knows that Jisoo doesn’t know that he’s watching him. He looks strange, like he’s swallowed something unpleasant but he’s too polite to spit it out.

 _That must suck,_ Chan thinks to himself.

Nobody sees him swallow shallowly except Chan. Nobody sees the glimmer in his eyes except Chan.

“You old dog,” Jisoo finally says to Seungcheol, grin a mile wide, as if to make sure everyone there can see it. From the corner of his eye, Chan sees Jeonghan shoot Jisoo a mildly concerned look. “And here I thought you wouldn’t have the balls.”

Seungcheol splutters and laughs and pushes at Jisoo until they’re in a pile on the sofa, laughing together, Soonyoung deciding to join into the fray and pulling Jeonghan in along with him. Wonwoo rolls his eyes and nudges at Chan, as if to say, these lunatics, and they laugh together, and any other person would have thought nothing of it. But something about the slight quiver of Jisoo’s bottom lip stays with Chan for a long long time afterwards. And when he goes to bed that night, he thinks of long lashes, sad eyes and wanting nothing more than to soothe that sad, sad mouth.

It’s like being five years old and being scared of dragons all over again.

——-

Seungcheol doesn’t believe that Chan hasn’t stepped foot in a club since he became an adult but in his defense, Chan tells him and a skeptical Soonyoung, he’s been incredibly busy trying to get used to his first year of university and living away from home for the first time. But one day he has no afternoon classes and no excuse when Soonyoung and Seungcheol wind up in the lobby of his dorm, intent on whisking him away for an evening of presumed debauchery.

Chan doesn’t want to look like he’s intimidated but _it’s natural,_ Soonyoung tells him. He has a loose arm around Chan, bracketing him in while Seungcheol marches on his other side. “I hope you’re cool with it though.”

“Cool with what?”

Soonyoung doesn’t answer him.

They take the train and get off at Hongdae, the two telling each other over Chan’s head that some of the people Chan grew up knowing will be meeting them there.

“Like who?”

“Wonwoo, for sure,” Soonyoung says, scrunching up his face.

Seungcheol laughs. “What’s that look supposed to mean? Aren’t you two…?” and at this Chan’s ears perk up. He’s always known that Soonyoung and Wonwoo were, well, Soonyoung and Wonwoo. Friends in school and outside school, and Chan was often witness to their bickering and their bond, as he was both Soonyoung’s cousin and Wonwoo’s neighbor, so he was usually the hinge that catapulted their weekend hijinks.

He notices Soonyoung glancing at him, as if worried about his reaction. “It’s, it’s going. _Hyung_ , not here, not in front of Chan.”

“Why not? I won’t tell. I won’t,” Chan assures them both when they look at him disbelievingly.

 _Being the youngest is such a nuisance,_ Chan thinks to himself irritably.

“In case you all forgot, I’m already an adult. You can trust me.”

Soonyoung smiles at him suddenly, soft, his cheeks pushing his eyes into tiny slivers. “I know I can, Channie.” He hooks an arm around Channie’s neck, affectionate.

They arrive at a small bar that lacked the flash and noise of some of the other places they’d passed on the main street. At a table near the back were some familiar faces—Wonwoo, Jeonghan and some other friends Soonyoung had that Chan vaguely remembers from high school, including…

“Jisoo.”

“Chan, hi,” Jisoo says softly. “I’m so happy you remember me. How are you?”

“Pink,” is what exits Chan’s mouth, and he turns that exact color.

Jisoo laughs. “Yeah, I felt like a change and pink was a compromise between Jeonghan’s suggestion of fire red and Seungcheol’s grey.” He runs a hand through his bangs, the pink looking impossibly soft underneath the dark blue beanie he had pulled over it.

“Chan-ah,” Jeonghan quips from next to Jisoo. “You’ve grown up so much already, it wounds me.”

He’s pulled into the chair opposite Jeonghan, and he tries his best not to whine as the other boy attempts to hold his face in his hands. “Time flies so fast, Jisoo-yah,” Jeonghan complains to the other, but Chan sneaks a glance over at Jisoo and sees him hiding a laugh behind the back of his hand. Chan thinks to himself that he looks like the first bloom of spring like this, a garden in the middle of the pungent smell of alcohol and grime, the brightness of neon lights.

It’s nice. It’s nice making Jisoo smile.

Soonyoung comes over finally after having gone to the bathroom first. He leans over to greet everyone, but scoots over to sit next to Wonwoo. Wonwoo is still busy peering over at Chan and listening to him talk about his first year of university when Soonyoung leans over and presses a soft kiss to his cheek.

Both Wonwoo and Chan’s eyes widen, and Wonwoo nearly falls off his stool, but Soonyoung pats his hand gently and tells him. “I trust Chan,” he tells Wonwoo, before looking at Chan, on the other side of the table. “We can trust Chan.”

At this, Wonwoo visibly relaxes, and something inside Chan warms at the thought that one of the most important people in his life trusts him with something like this, with something this big and important.

“That’s a big step, Soonyoung-ah,” Seungcheol tells him kindly, and he pats Soonyoung on the back. “I’m proud of you.”

“Wait, though,” Chan says, holding a hand up. “Someone tell me when this happened. Was it while I was away for uni?”

Soonyoung crosses his arms, and Wonwoo looks over at him, smirking. “Maybe sometime before then.”

“Really? All this time? And I never noticed?”

“In my defense, Chan, it was really hard to keep it from you.”

“Please just tell me you didn’t do anything in my house.”

Both Soonyoung and Wonwoo are suspiciously silent.

“ _Hyung_.”

Everyone at the table laughs, drinks are served, and Chan feels like he fits in more than he ever has before. He thinks, maybe it’s a by-product of adulthood, but he feels more included, his opinion taken into consideration rather than just tolerated or heard. He watches Soonyoung bluster through an excuse, but also sees Wonwoo take his hand and hold it firmly under the table. He sees Jeonghan take a picture of how red Seungcheol is getting, promising to send it to the group chat he shares with Eunbi and Nayoung, his own girlfriend, and watches as Jisoo chuckles sweetly at all of them.

He looks at all of them, the family they’ve made for themselves, and he thinks of how brave they all are.

Maybe one day, Chan thinks to himself, eyes darting towards Jisoo, he’ll be able to be braver himself.

—-

Chan realizes a lot of things about himself in the next few months.

Growing up watching lots of Youtube videos and being best friends with Hansol, who spent a lot of time thoughtfully helping Chan unlearn a lot of harmful and narrow societal perspectives, meant that one had to be open-minded, so Chan learned how to be. Open-minded, that is.

It is that open-mindedness, plus the exposure to his cousin’s life choices, that helps Chan realize a lot of things about being different, namely, that he was.

Different.

The realization hits him while he’s jogging by himself around the university track one morning, the culmination of several long nights of going over philosophy lecture notes, and after stopping in his tracks for a minute or two, the pleasant chirping of birds filtering through his headphones as he pauses the music on his phone, he realizes that different is not a bad thing to be.

He smiles to himself, and finishes up his jog twenty minutes later.

That was a whole half a semester ago already, and every single day since has just been a constant quiet affirmation of his otherness. It’s a good feeling, he thinks, knowing who are, a kind of courage he’s always aspired for. No one else knew but Hansol and Seungkwan, his best friends, and they were nothing but supportive, although Seungkwan has yet to heed his instruction to stop sending him pictures of cute single boys.

(Chan manages to convince himself that it's because he's too focused on doing well in school and not because of anyone in particular, least of all anyone with cherry-blossom hair.)

He had yet to tell Soonyoung, though. He’s not scared of telling Soonyoung—he knows at the very least that his cousin will crow about being the person to inspire him, which isn’t entirely incorrect. He’s suspected as much about himself ever since he was sixteen, uncomfortable with the yearnings inside himself and how different they were from the feelings he was supposed to have but it’s not far-fetched to think that he’d only really gotten the courage to be honest with himself after he’d seen his cousin do the same.

It’s been a few months since he’s been able to see Soonyoung and Wonwoo, as the latter was busy with last minute preparations for law school applications coming up soon and the former was busy trying to wrap up his requirements for graduation, so when Soonyoung had invited him out of the blue to hang out, Chan had jumped at the chance.

At the back of his mind he’s hoping that the opportunity to speak with Soonyoung about what he’s realized about himself will happen tonight, but even if it doesn’t, he’s not opposed to just spending a rare free Saturday evening trailing behind Wonwoo as they walk around Itaewon waiting for Soonyoung. It's not something that needs to be rushed into telling.

He doesn’t notice that Wonwoo’s stopped until he nearly runs into him, too busy scrolling through his phone while thinking about the pile of homework on his desk that will be waiting for him at the dorm after tonight.

“ _Hyung_ , why’d you stop?” He looks up at the sign above the door, looks at Wonwoo looking back at him, almost nervous.

It's a door, unobtrusive enough, but the pulsing underneath Chan's feet informs him of another world below the asphalt.

“Are we going in here?”

“Chan-ah,” Wonwoo starts, then closes his mouth. “Soonyoung wants to show you something. But if it’s too much for you, we both agreed that you could just tell me and I’d take you home.”

Chan looks at him strangely. “Oh, uh, okay. What’s going on?”

Wonwoo smiles at him. “You love Soonyoungie, right?”

“Of course,” Chan says, lips puckered in a little pout.

“And you’d say you’re pretty open-minded?”

“ _Hyung_ , what’s going on?”

Wonwoo just chuckles and gestures for Chan to follow him inside. Chan does just that, turning and descending down a stairwell, two, people streaming past him smelling of smoke and cologne and sweat.

When Wonwoo tugs on Chan’s sleeves and ducks into an entrance, the bass is loud enough to cause the floor to shake, and pink and purple lights dance across the walls, illuminating a long but narrow stage in the center of the room. Running along the far wall is a bar, and there’s all kinds of people strewn across its stools, heads thrown back in laughter or drawn close in conversation or peering carefully at the fruity cocktails in their hands. There are plenty of groups but some of the people are drawn together in pairs, and as Chan’s eyes adjust to the dark, he realizes that most of them are men. Young men, mostly in their early and mid-twenties, and plenty of them are…

It’s then that Chan realizes that he’s at a gay bar.

When he tugs on Wonwoo’s sleeve as they’re cutting paths through the room, Wonwoo nodding at bouncers and security personnel like he’s a regular, and asks for confirmation, Wonwoo just pats him on the shoulder and tells him that it’s less of a gay bar and more of a transcendental experience.

“Chan-ah,” Wonwoo continues, sneaking glances at him. “You know that we trust you right?”

“I-I think so.”

“I hope you know that you can trust us too.”

Seungcheol, Jeonghan and a person Chan doesn’t know welcome them warmly as they end up at a table near the stage, and Chan has so many questions, but Wonwoo is already handing him a beer and telling him the show’s about to start.

Seungcheol gives him a bracing smile, before the lights dim even more, and the audience roars in anticipation. A voice comes on over the speaker system, low and sultry and teasing. “Are you ready for the show of your life?”

The curtains open, the music comes on, and Chan’s jaw drops.

There's three, four people on the stage, dressed in gorgeous gowns of sequins and glitter, make-up strong and attractive, hair long, lustrous and ostentatious, but Chan zeroes in on the one in the center because she... she's Soonyoung.

Soonyoung is almost unrecognizable underneath swathes of cloth and the broad strokes of make-up on his face, but the most jarring change is the fact that there’s a long fiery red wig on his head. Chan watches him, floored into silence. Soonyoung marches forward down the walk, throwing haughty glances on either side of the stage, who lap it up and scream for more. She walks around the stage, throwing flirtatious winks and playful little growls at the crowd; they love her and they show it. Near the end of the song, Soonyoung walks down the makeshift runway, twirling when she reaches the end.

Chan is startled when his table erupts in rapturous applause at Soonyoung's display, and even in the dim lights, illuminated only by neon and chrome, Soonyoung's smile brightens up the stage.

She shakes her bottom playfully, slaps it once, and then disappears again behind the curtain.

Chan sneaks looks at the audience and they are eager. They’re yelling out a name Chan doesn’t recognize, and he turns to Wonwoo, a little disoriented.

“ _Hyung_?”

Wonwoo leans forward, a soft smile stretched across his face. “Come out back with me. He always wants a smoke after.”

They wind their way out of the club, ending up in the alley beside it. Already leaning against the wall, is Soonyoung, sans wig, but wrapped in a large woolly coat that Chan vaguely recognizes is Wonwoo’s, puffing away.

Chan watches Wonwoo kiss Soonyoung hello, thumb playfully rubbing at the ball of his cheek, and it’s so intimate that a quiet yearning for that warmth curls in Chan’s stomach.

Soonyoung smiles at Wonwoo, before turning towards Chan. He looks nervous, tentative, a million miles away from who he was awhile ago onstage. “You must have a lot of questions, Channie.”

And in his head run ten, twenty, fifty questions, but the first thing that comes out of his mouth is: “ _Hyung_ , you looked beautiful up there.”

At that, Soonyoung stops, smiles, glows.

\---

He tries to see Soonyoung’s shows as often as he can, but once his spring semester starts his sophomore year, he barely sees the light of day. Just before Soonyoung’s birthday, Wonwoo convinces Chan to come out with him and see a gig at the 13th Hour, where Soonyoung had been talked into joining as a regular show holder.

He and Wonwoo catch up over an early evening beer, him talking about the subjects he’s taking and Wonwoo complaining about adjusting to law school. Soonyoung taught dance by day, but still made time to do his drag shows at least twice a week. It was extra income, and went towards his and Wonwoo’s future living funds, once they could finally live together as a real couple and not just be each other’s ‘best friends’.

Chan worries his bottom lip. “Aren’t you worried about what they would think?” At Wonwoo’s confused glance, he clarifies. “Your parents.”

“Of course I am. But it’s living in fear, or being with Soonyoung. And there’s only one answer there.”

Chan opens his mouth, closes it again. And feels a flash of courage deep in his chest.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Chan whispers. “I was waiting for the chance to talk to Soonyoung- _hyung_ about this, but last year… last year…”

He looks into Wonwoo’s eyes, curious, but not pushy, and he thinks about how brave he wants to be.

“ _Hyung_ , I think—no, I know, that I, I'm gay. I'm, also, like both of you, I like boys.” He lets out a shaky exhale, relieved that he’s finally said it out loud.

He’s surprised when he’s suddenly enveloped in Wonwoo’s lean arms. Slowly, he reaches around to hold him back.

“Thank you for trusting me, Chan-ah,” Wonwoo tells him, and Chan somehow feels ten times lighter. Wonwoo was the one he trusted, the brave one, every bit a member of his family as Soonyoung was.

“I always have.”

\---

Soonyoung has another show that evening, and he asks Chan to come.

“Jisoo is going to be there,” he teases him, and Wonwoo elbows him in an effort to get him to stop teasing him.

Chan reddens, but he’s secretly pleased. It’s been a few months since he’s come out to his group of friends. They had been nothing but wonderful, even offering him numbers of people who they thought he might be interested in, but Chan politely declined.

It was Soonyoung who noticed that his eyes always seemed to linger on Jisoo, and even though Wonwoo told him regularly he was dense as a brick, he managed to put two and two together. Nonetheless, he promised not to do anything and let Chan do what he thought was best.

He waves at the bouncer before bounding into the dark enclosure that reverberated with house music and pulsed with bright neon lights. He’s practically a regular by now, and he’s treated almost like a member of the family.

Junhui and Minghao, drag performers that Soonyoung regularly danced with during his shows, ruffle his hair as they pass him. Mingyu, Minghao’s partner, gives him a beer as he chats with Jihoon, the manager of the 13th Hour. Behind him, he sees Hansol and Seungkwan, his friends, sitting next to Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and their girlfriends, chatting companionably at their regular table. Wonwoo is probably backstage, making sure Soonyoung has everything he needs.

It’s a strange group, brought together by circumstance, kept together by friendship. A group of others that Chan thinks are all brave in their own little way.

“You made it.”

Chan looks behind him and sees Jisoo—beautiful, radiant Jisoo, with the sweetest smile, and the most steadfast heart. He looks at Chan, pleased, perhaps glad that he’s here, his hand reaching out to hold Chan’s shoulder and trail down his arm. Chan tries to suppress a shiver and a blush, but Jisoo only leans closer.

“It’s never as much fun without you.”

Chan’s mother’s voice whispers in his head, a strange kind of memory rising unbidden from the depths of his childhood.

At the memory of it, Chan takes a breath, and looks at Jisoo, and remembers how he felt, at sixteen, at twenty, at twenty two, and how he just wants the chance to make Jisoo happy, to be brave with him.

“Jisoo- _hyung_ , do you want to have coffee tomorrow?”

Chan holds his breath as Jisoo stares at him, until he’s sure he’s not hallucinating the soft, sweet smile that spreads across his face.

“Just the two of us?”

“Yeah. If you want to, I mean.”

Jisoo reaches forward, touches the back of his hand shyly.

“I would love to.”

\---

_“I wasn’t brave then, but I’m brave now. I’ll always be brave.”_

_She looked at him, and smiled._

_“You don’t have to be brave for me. We can be brave together.”_


End file.
